Sunday, June 29, 2008

To all my fellow introverts

These days, nobody believes me when I say I am an introvert. But its true. I am. To the core. And while I have gotten rid of some of the characteristics that constrain personal growth, individually and socially, I still essentially maintain the introverted spirit.

I have no reason why I am an introvert. Generally, as most analyzers say, there are events, or specific environmental influences that make people introverts. I have small examples, but tend to think thats just a personal preference, in my immediate and extended family I can only think of 3 maybe 4 introverts, because generally my family goes extrovert. On paper, I should be one myself. Just never worked out that way. I don't even have like scarring experiences....I just generally don't like being bothered with people. For a while, I tried to work on it but at that point I was so unfamiliar, and for lack of a better word scared, of dealing with people I just shut of socially. But, right now I am working on it now for several reasons though.

One builds a lot doing things they do not want to do and willingly making choices that go against your own tendencies. Basically a little resistance will go a long way....and a lot of resistance will go even further. So day by day I step out of my norms to do things I don't want to do. And it so far has worked. Hasn't been easy, but I am pleased with my growth and how much I have been able to give as a result of it.

A while back I had a conversation with a wise man, where we were talking getting involved in something or other. His words of invaluable wisdom were that you don't always have to get something out of what you do, think about what you can put into the situation. And honestly that probably has been where I have grown the most. I cannot count the times where I have talked to somebody when I didn't want to or just randomly out of the blue, where we both left the conversation better for it. Not because I preached some wonderful message (as I often attempt to do) or because I got to talk to a human I liked (something that is very rare these days), but because there was genuine interaction that wasn't inhibited by agendas.

If anything I have been terrified of what peoples agendas are for, with, relating to, around, and involving me and the rest of the world. And I tend to place value on people based on what I can get out of them or what I think they are worth to me. However, since I have taken the approach that there is no reason to be terrified of people and just do what is right I have had a lot better luck with being less introverted/terrified with personal interaction. Most people are as generally weary of social interaction I've found. I'm not the only person that rolls my eyes and tries to be inconspicuous when they see somebody they may not want to talk to LOL. And then if you judge ppl before they ever have the chance to act their actions will be scrutinized and weighed without being objective and then you're interacting with somebody you either like or dislike based on a baseless perception.

Joe Budden has a great line to finish up my favorite track of his. It's called "Thou Shall Not Fall" off the Mood Muzik 3 Mixtape and it's about not giving in to lifes pressures. (I have wanted so long to quote this line in something meaningful.) He's talking about a stripper getting a hold of her life which is just there for double meaning, as its applicable to anybody in any walk of life. It says "maybe bend but never let them make you fold, accept your shortcomings baby they gon' make you whole". Having always felt like I was going to do something big on a large scale, not for the limelight, but to make the most difference or have the largest impact, I have known that I will either be made or broken by being an introvert. And for this shortcoming I have bended many ways like singing in front of church, playing organized sports, writing, etc. and I do feel like I am becoming more whole as a person as a result.

But of course everybody has their own reasons for being an introvert or extrovert, but my advice.... critically analyze why it is you do what you do and if that is the best for what you want to do. My little sister wants to be an actress so she does everything she puts herself into the right positions to be a good actress. Since she was little she has had a horrible voice, but I'm sure her desire to be a great actress will lead her to voice lessons.

Consider my breaking my introvert habits personality lessons.

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